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A post from relationship expert Jonathan Welford….
In my role as a relationship coach dovetailing goals and plans of two individuals sometimes does have challenges. Recently I encountered one couple who were at different stages in their lives.
The situation was that one of the guys in the couple (we’ll call him Bill) was established in his career and was up for a new promotion and completing further professional qualifications. The other, we’ll call him Leo, had ambitions to travel and had recently taken a redundancy pay out from his job and his new contract wasn’t to start until the back end of the year.
Leo wanted to explore Asia and have an adventure; Bill couldn’t take that amount of time off and he had no real interest in spending a long time in the heat and humidity.
So they were at a stalemate. Leo really wanted to go, they were planning on moving in together, however now Bill felt that Leo leaving his life for five to six months was an end to the relationship. And this is why they came to me.
Some couples can cope with separation and others suffer with the thought of being apart.
Leo and Bill had been together for nearly three years, they met while backpacking around Europe after both had finished their respective university degrees. They then established themselves into their respective careers at first in different cities but through hard work for the last two years they’d lived in the same neighborhood.
It was very clear that when they came to me they cared deeply for each other, coming to see a therapist was something they both wanted to do, neither wanted the relationship to end. So how did they come to a resolution?
In Leo and Bill’s situation they made it clear that they cared and loved each other and scheduled a contact rota where they’d regularly communicate and touch base with each other a couple of times a week and at the midway point and end Bill would fly out to holiday with Leo at the place he was planning on being at that date. In this situation a suitable resolution was gained. Positive outcome.
So what are the key tips for a relationship to stay together when one goes off traveling and the other stays home?
The travel bug hits many at different times in peoples lives for many reasons, but the pull of adventures and exploring a different country and culture can be life changing and addictive. You can have a relationship and be a passionate traveller, just ensure you are aware of the pitfalls and challenges that require navigation before you even start booking flights and deciding what to pack.
If you have a story on how you dealt with travel affecting your relationship, please let me know and share your story firstname.lastname@example.org