Home for the first time after coming out…part 1
In case you don’t know, I’m home in Dallas, Texas for the first time in 18 months after travelling around the world. It’s also the first time I’m home since coming out. I won’t lie that I was more than a bit nervous. Nervous about a lot of silly little things. Who had I told? Who hadn’t I told? Would I need to come out all over again?
I’m finally comfortable with who I am and not only that, but I’ve been living a regular (ie, non-travel) life in Berlin for the past five months. While finally living in a single place as an out gay male, a lot of things have gone through my mind. I couldn’t help but feel that I’d missed out on so much in life since I didn’t come out until my mid-20s. I realize that some people never feel this comfortable this early, but it seems to me that increasingly people come out sooner and sooner. Or maybe I’m just jealous.
Anyways, being home for the first time after coming out hasn’t been weird at all. The day before I left, I was more than nervous. I wished I had someone to come home with…a boyfriend to bring to dinner. Someone I could share my experience with while finally being me with the family. That part of the process of coming out has yet to happen…bringing home a boy.
Here’s a little snippet of a conversation I had with an old friend from high school:
friend: so why did you wait until recently to come outme: i dunno. i guess i was only able to admit it to myself recently. finally felt comfortable with the ideafriend: cool. i bet <so and so> was crushed. didn’t you have a marriage pact with her?
So far home doesn’t feel any different. Besides getting a magazine in the mail from the Human Rights Campaign, there’s no mention of me being gay. No one’s asked me yet if I have a boyfriend…but that doesn’t seem strange to me because my family hardly ever used to ask when I’d come home if I had “met any girls.” But maybe that’s because they always knew I was looking at guys.
Meh. I’m glad to be home. I’m glad to be gay. I also read this nice little Q&A on UnicornBooty about coming home for the first holiday after coming out. Thought it was interesting.
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[...] Home for the First Time After Coming Out… Part 1 Going off on extended travels can be a life changing decision and the person that returns back home can be different to the one that left. Obviously travel didn’t change Adam’s sexuality but he has returned to his hometown ready to present himself in a new way. [...]
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[...] parents flew out to Berlin for a weekend over the summer.) It’s also the first time I’m home after coming out. I was supposed to come home months ago but ended up falling in love with Berlin—hence the fact [...]
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[...] and long trips to make it home for the Thanksgiving or Christmas holiday breaks. This year I flew home to Texas all the way from Berlin (and then again from Texas to Ohio to see some more family). As per usual, [...]
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What Roy said… Your mom does rock! And congrats!
I love how your mom commented Adam! A supportive family is something I think many of us take for granted at times. I bet you are relieved to have everything out in the open at last.
So true – thanks for coming by to comment Suzy!
Hoo-boy do I know how you feel. I wasn’t all-the-way out (telling the family) until …26. That’s not even a year ago! Such a weight off my shoulders and already things seem to be getting better. :)
Thanks Jay! It certainly is so much easier once everything is out and in the open.
So,do you have a boyfriend? And any boyfriend will always be welcome here. My love is unconditional.
yes yes i know. thank you mom! and no, no boyfriend at the moment :/
…if this comments page had a like button I would like this reply so hard. <3
Aww, your mom rocks :)
I wanted to ask you if you had a boyfriend when we were talking after Thanksgiving dinner but I hesitated. I’m sorry Adam, I should’ve asked!!
aw thanks brian. it was great to see you the other day and catch up! we have to stay in better touch!
Those of us who know you Adam don’t care if you are gay, straight, black, white, purple or green, we love you because you are you and who could ask for anything more than that!
Love you!
thank you shannan! love you too :)
Adam my mom is upset because I did not include her in my post. So per my mom she feels the same and could not love you more!
hahaha you’re wonderful! i’ll come over and say hi again soon!