In case you don’t know, I’m home in Dallas, Texas for the first time in 18 months after travelling around the world. It’s also the first time I’m home since coming out. I won’t lie that I was more than a bit nervous. Nervous about a lot of silly little things. Who had I told? Who hadn’t I told? Would I need to come out all over again?
I’m finally comfortable with who I am and not only that, but I’ve been living a regular (ie, non-travel) life in Berlin for the past five months. While finally living in a single place as an out gay male, a lot of things have gone through my mind. I couldn’t help but feel that I’d missed out on so much in life since I didn’t come out until my mid-20s. I realize that some people never feel this comfortable this early, but it seems to me that increasingly people come out sooner and sooner. Or maybe I’m just jealous.
Anyways, being home for the first time after coming out hasn’t been weird at all. The day before I left, I was more than nervous. I wished I had someone to come home with…a boyfriend to bring to dinner. Someone I could share my experience with while finally being me with the family. That part of the process of coming out has yet to happen…bringing home a boy.
Here’s a little snippet of a conversation I had with an old friend from high school:
friend: so why did you wait until recently to come outme: i dunno. i guess i was only able to admit it to myself recently. finally felt comfortable with the ideafriend: cool. i bet <so and so> was crushed. didn’t you have a marriage pact with her?
So far home doesn’t feel any different. Besides getting a magazine in the mail from the Human Rights Campaign, there’s no mention of me being gay. No one’s asked me yet if I have a boyfriend…but that doesn’t seem strange to me because my family hardly ever used to ask when I’d come home if I had “met any girls.” But maybe that’s because they always knew I was looking at guys.
Meh. I’m glad to be home. I’m glad to be gay. I also read this nice little Q&A on UnicornBooty about coming home for the first holiday after coming out. Thought it was interesting.